dear mum and dad,

"we're not telling you what to do, we're just simply telling you what the right thing to do is,"


remind me to never; EVER say this to my children when it comes to post secondary education.
going to school should not define intelligence.
you both need to get over the fact that I'm different; that I don't need money to be happy, I don't need an education to feel significant.

you are responsible for pushing me away; and that's how the story ends.


on that note:
this is so appealing.

Africa

I finally have a goal to look forward to.

it's unrealistic, and I know I've said I want to do a lot of things; but this is for real.

creaky bus rides filled with valium and discomfort; I can only imagine what other kinds of discomfort I'll have the pleasure of experiencing. 

mountain biking with zebras and lions - seriously?

I sit here only to chant about how excited I am to be surrounded by  foreign luxuries, also of how shitty I am at school and how my boyfriend can be oblivious. then I realize that there are thousands, no, millions of people in worse conditions and are totally fulfilled with their life; because they don't know any different.

I should really put a harder effort into being less of a pre-madonna.  

cutting loses; and regaining them.

I missed my bed; to bad I passed out in it instead of studying the three chapters I told myself I would.
No worries: it was all for a good cause.

I missed my Sunday nights with my main ladies; I have never laughed so hard over a lesbian-ever. nevermind the on going confusion on how to flush Alexa's toilet, as well as trying to get down the stares in a state of blindness and constant snorts, struggling to stay quiet (mass fail on that one.)

I missed my car; that thing is "Paige" tainted yet again. It's going to be a blast, and a huge pain in the romp to get it back to square one again.

I missed my dog; she snores, and farts when she sleeps. I think she's worse then him, but it's hilarious!

AYE! guess who's sucking at academics today!?

fender bender.

"so what do you want to do?"

this is the question that gets my mind puttering in fifth gear; every time.

"well, I think I'm just going to take it day by day and find out."
I don't sound totally confident.
blank stares; as if I'm completely and utterly insane for not having a plan.
since when was planning your life out a requirement?
it's a stereotype; a social comfort.

"so no ideas?"

oh I have plenty of ideas, none in which you'll be interested in hearing.

"good luck with that" (thought bubble)

funny thing though, what surrounds us today was made from an idea that was once unrealistic; the automobile, flying, man on the moon.
so chew on that one for a moment or two... or three.

I am confident in my decisions.
I regret nothing.
I have my dreams.


today is what today has given me. tommorrow will give me something new.

....and eventually I will bump into something that sparks.

crossing fingers.

I just sent in my resume to be a promotions coordinator; assuming it means public speaking/promoting for events.

thought I would test my luck, but I realized that I really need to get my foot in the door for this stuff.


wish me luck!

ps. none stop on the tequila train with the new room mate was a great kick off to this new life.

the infamous peacock.

I found it; exactly. and it's in black in white which was preferred.

tattoo project number 4.
location: middle of the back.


ya dig?

ragoo

" I got a flask inside my pocket we can share it on the plane. If you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same."

shit.

I took the bus for the first time in five years. standing in the cold never felt so liberating. sort of like my situation; i left "prematurely". what does that word even mean?
I'm addicted to tattoos; legitimately- 3 in 3 weeks, jeeze.

my apartment smells like freedom and studio cigarettes.
maudis criss!

"I just up and left."

today I learned the importance of freedom.

I learned that I have to right to make my own decisions; that I can no longer be threatened by financial support. I realized that in the end; everything will turn out just fine. This is because I am not immoral, i am not irresponsible (well not any more then the average person). I have been shoving my head into text books to please and not because it's actually what i want to do. this has nothing to do with love, or rebellion. This has to do with proving to you that I am my own person regardless of money. I'd rather have my choices be the reason my life is difficult then it be because you threatened to do so and so you're simply following through. I am so ready so suffer my consequences.
This hasn't felt right to me since day one and my eyes finally feel more open then ever.

I picked myself up; I said no more; I'm taking matters into my own hands.
If I fall, I fall. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong and that's the beauty of it all. Because no matter what happens, I'll still be breathing.

battle suits on; this is going to be a riot.

day3

she had diamonds on the inside, she wore diamonds on the inside. flowing in and around my head. the state of being completely and fully content is starting to rupture itself back into my system; it's fantastic. the artificially induced hue glaring over the many extravagant roof tops still blows my mind. I wonder what it's like living as a Stepford wife? floral printed aprons and roast dinners every sunday night; surreal. how do people go about living in these conditions? with perfectly paved roads and artistic front yards with their quaint porches and "lucky" dog houses. I took a moment to replenish my system with canada's favorite source of energy. the off beige uniform fully equipped with the golf visor, he kindly didn't charge me for my poison, all because I told him to take his time when he politely asked me to give him a few. funny how simplicity and patience is taken for granted by the majority of the human race in our first world countries. my soloness continues as I decide to indulge in our city's live music; tonights choice was the blues. she was about 60 years old and rocked her gibson super hard. I only stayed long enough to finish my veno.
I am fully aware that tonight is not apart of my recovery; but if you were me, you'd understand that I don't just sleep for days on end. I would blow up; for real: into a million pieces of jingle filled, multicolored confetti. It would look nice, but then it's purpose is suddenly over. I'm not ready to put mine on hold.

I'll be back on my tracks next week; should I be? probably not; but, ah geez. whatever.

day2

I could hear myself speak in my sleep last night. Codine is my new best friend; careful,careful, I know. It feels like this shouldn't be phasing me like it has, but I can't seem to stop crying. One minute I'm laughing at some quirky joke from a romantic comedy, the next I'm balling my eyes out; I don't get it.
I can't seem to flood over the image of me progressively getting larger and uglier as my body tangles itself into my bed sheets. my appetite doesn't seem to go away, I don't think I could even eat myself to death if I tried; It constantly feels empty. I get exhausted walking up a flight of stairs (even more so then when cigarettes were an influence,) but I can't seem to sleep. I'm restless; I could lay in bed all day and not get a wink of sleep and when I do? I don't feel rested.
I think my biggest problem is I'm scared, and probably more then I should be.
I've never broken a bone, I've had the flu maybe three times in my life; I've never really experienced any kind of excruciating physical pain, like, the kind where you wish someone would put you out of your misery. So this whole non curable virus thing takes my roller coaster off it's tracks a bit. I don't feel like myself, and I'm worried as to how long something like this will last. I read that the symptoms only last about 2-4 weeks, but that people feel weak and fatigued for months after. I don't want that, at all. I like being a busy body. I like moving about and seeing people and working and even finding ways to procrastinate my academics; that's what makes me, me. And the thought that it's going to be altered is terrifying. I don't want people to pity me, to watch out for me because I'm suddenly weak and unauthorized to be my energetic self. I may be blowing this all out of proportion, but that's exactly my point.
This cave, these sheets, this computer screen I'm forced to be surrounded by gets my mind all tweaking and buzzing and I don't have my usual habits to balance it out.

okay. I guess I should just be thankful I'm not dying.

partial cure:

my laptop will be my new best friend for the next two weeks;
But these two pieces of art for females will forever remain as the only two to successfully make me feel better; this shit better not last.

thank you alexa for putting these up; and god speed.
ps. I finally watched "Away We Go": it was exactly how I expected it to be, flawless soundtrack and all.

the kissing disease.

mon⋅o⋅nu⋅cle⋅o⋅sis 
/ˌmɒnəˌnukliˈoʊsɪs, -ˌnyu-/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [mon-uh-noo-klee-oh-sis, -nyoo-]
–noun
The presence of an abnormally large number of mononuclear leukocytes, or monocytes, in the blood.
Fever, swollen lymph nodes, flu and step throat can also be commonly mistaken for mononucleosis.

there is no cure.

So although I spent a good portion of my weekend sick as a dog with the boy, at least we were both partially dying.

boy diagnosis: chest cold: running nose, pressured sinuses, head aches, coughing.
girl diagnosis:
a) strep throat: swollen glands, fever, really nasty looking tonsils, the most uncomfortable agonizing pain you'll ever experience; followed by trouble swallowing, breathing, speaking, sleeping and moving anything neck up.
b) failure in medication: the doctor I went to see with the lazy eye, undersized polo T and partially ripped levis prescribed me a medication that was totally ineffective. gee, thanks.
c) hospitalization: muscle pain, and even worse glandular throat pains; a visit to the steinbach hospital is enforced.
d) mono: a non treatable virus that causes prolonged fatigue and muscle weakness. immune system is down.

this would be my weekend in a nutshell. pretty awesome right?

I had a nightmare I was bed ridden for three months; i lost my job, i lost contact with my friends, i lost my boyfriend and I was set back a year with school. this was not a good start to my recovery.

on the plus side,

"I talked to a lot of people that night; talking to you was the best part."

birthday parties are for children.

still jazzed on the birthday disco in the bush; laughs. beer. pause. epic dinner. more beer. more laughs.

i don't even think my writing skills could describe the events of this weekend and do it justice.

ps. thanks to all for being so awesome.

checkup hickup.

I'm still not getting into the swing of things; I'm still in "no order" mode. i feel my biggest accomplishment in the next month, no, week, will to have successfully transitioned myself from "party paige" to "studious paige."
hmm, this is all sounding so familiar....

I had the worst first day of school ever, didn't help that something new (no surprise,) was clogging at work. A coffee shop with a non operating sink = very unpleasant employees.

I'm hoping this week, along with it's brutal uphill battles, that I will feel the feeling one gets when they've accomplished something; when improvement is shown.

This weekend was phenomenal though. At this moment, it is merely a blurry mesh of what will remain as fond memories. But from what I remember I laughed my heart out and I don't think it could have swelled any more.
"it's like you just know." (thought bubble)

also, there are still things to look forward to:

birthday bash in the bush.
the black light hula parties in the dead of winter.
christmas break, reading week, lol.
along with the many sporadic set of events that are to come.


ps. I'm actually very content today.

I can't stop; I can't stop; I can't stop.

things I've put aside that need to be done asap:
school.
laundry.
develop pictures.
get picture frames.
fight speeding ticket.

september is tomorrow, and I miss us already.

a brief stroke of romance,

her heart was throbbing with excitement. she couldn't help but take a moment to admire the mural that was painted on the wall; yellows and purples and pinks; it was so perfect. climbing the narrow stairs she reached a dead line half way through. she regathered herself just in time to see him laying there tightly wound in his bedsheets. she crept in next to him, he almost died himself.
"it's just me! it's just me!"
without hesitation he wrapped his arms around her and mumbled, "no, I'm okay. you're my protection."

they walked and then they kept walking. laughing and singing barefoot down on the steamy cement. good community surrounds them which instantly gave her comfort.
"I'm going to show you something today," he smirks.

listening to poor pop music, singing along to lyrics people mock; it couldn't get any better. they finally reached the infamous "private property" and they eagerly trespassed. piles and piles of large sand hills surrounds them; then she sees what resembles a small, very sandy, lagoon. the water is aqua blue; it looks as if it were taken straight from the ocean.
"I'm going to jump right in."
clothes suddenly piled on the sandy surface, they prepare themselves for the arctic plunge. without hesitation she jumps in first, while he slowly crept in inch by inch.
"I don't know how you managed to do that so easily," he shivers causing him to choke on his smile. He watched her swim around freely in awe; his eyes drawn to every movement she made as she floated on the surface of the water. this could almost be a dream.

with empty packs of cigarettes and an empty bottle of wine, the sun had decided to finally leave us. she felt so cliche; she normally didn't believe in fairy tales, but she felt as though she could have lived in that moment forever.

laying in her own bed she couldn't stop smiling. she could still smell him on her skin as she let the days events flow through her mind over and over. it was in that moment where she pieced it together: he had truly fallen from the sky, because it was all to good to be true.

cork mouth.

So Ireland looks exactly how they say it looks; green. green. green. But not like, winnipeg green, like super lush vibrant green. I could live there, really I could. Their accents aren't a stereotype either, they sound just like they do in the movies; it's fantastic!

my moron of a brother "formated" my camera, causin all my pictures from london to dissapear. Needless to say I was choked, and I almost (for real) cried.
.... so that was a downer.


However! I got really drunk with my family and their friends last night and danced at some random disco club that was located at the very top of this place we've been calling "home" for the past week.

"you dance just like your mother!!" says dad.... ah shit.


side note: I haven't thought of "him" in over a week. scratch that, I did just now, but! it's a relief.
side note 2: I haven't stopped thinking about "him2" since I've left. Sweet reminders you miss me doesn't help either. argh! you're just so great!


ps. shout out to the stewart kids: you keep me sane.

quickie

I'm sitting at a desk and I can feel myself sway; left, right, left, right. It's almost frustrating because you can't walk in a straight line. Add liquore and you're doomed. However, it's nice to be rocked to sleep everynight.


I don't have much time, so I'm going to make this a quick blurb.

I spent time in London with my dearest Alexa, which was, obviously, a huge thrill. We did what we do best; drank beer and people watched. We even took the time to hit the "clubs" only to chug our beer in a plastic bottle, laugh and head back out to the busy streets of London. Also? McDonalds on Picadilly seemed to taste so much better.


I'm in Cork tomorrow! Irland; land of my descents.

I've had one cigarette in the past two days: what!? don't worry, that will change when I get back.


However, being surrounded by people over the age of 80 all day, everyday, is a little irritating. When you're walking around with an oxygen tank strapped to your back you know you shouldn't be traveling. But! alas! there they are, with their dirty martinis and bitter attitudes.

I miss home and it's comfort. Mostly I miss my girls, my work, my mystery man.

Anyways, more to come soon!

love you all.

the penguin to my pebble.

creatures only come out at night:
it came roaring through my front door. Covered in black, all I can see is it's tool of destruction strapped onto it's belt. There were tears in it's eyes.
"why am I such a monster?" it cries.
I can only sit there and pretend everything is o.k.
"I don't like it when you look at me like that," I reply.
my hands are covering my face yet I am no longer threatened by the sight of it all.
Suddenly it's sunrise, and your black cloak melts along with your heartache. I almost felt bad; then I realized choices were made; it's for the better.
So I let it melt in my arms, until it finally stops shaking.
"you're going to be o.k."

He slithered back out my front door and as it shuts, I held onto the handle and I didn't let go.

take 2.

you must have fallen out of the sky, because you've completely managed to cover me in greatness. You intimidate me, you inspire me, you make me laugh, you make me nervous in better ways then worse and best of all,
I really like your hats.

cloud nine: 5th gear-full throttle.

ps. europe in tminus 12 hours.

goosebumps and vodka.

I spent the last two days taking time off from my mind, my body and everything that revolves around the two. Sometimes an extra pair of tits is all a girl really needs around.
I don't think I've enjoyed beer or poker as much as I have over the past couple of days.

I've finally managed to have my sense of self back on track; and you come barging in-again.

"that was not cool"
"what?"

oh, I'm sorry you didn't have a flying clue. Well, it's to late now, I've already made the transition.

you're old news.


I have a "date" today.
I don't know yet if he's legit, but I'm kind of really extremely tremendously excited for it.
he's a walking, talking piece of art and it intimidates me. crossing my fingers is the best I can do as of now!


also,
Passion Pit - Manners: it can't stop. it won't stop. and now it's on Curve 94.3
STEREO!!!
barf.

"I take scuba diving lessons because I'm afraid of water."

Last night was about a lot of different things. It was about staring from a far; it hits you. I really had nothing to loose;

"do you recognize me!?"
"I sure do!"

the truth begins to unveil itself. why can't I be as interesting as you!?

"can we talk sometime?"
"I thought you'd never ask,"

oh and those jeans really do look good on you, so come back anytime. please.
if you forget my number, you know where to find me.

also?
two words: Steve Boyd.

I'm so relieved I still got it.
also, my people > your people. blow me.
speaking of people, my m&m's: you both deserve endless hugs and kisses, because you're both actually phenomenal.

today I am VERY jazzed on life....

I'm still choking on my own mistakes; I feel so sorry for you.
because I've always had everything;
but that grin, that uneasy posture, the different shades of your two sided freckled face; all this will slither through everything knowing what could have, what should have.
I guess it's the nine pound hammer.

I will lay here until London.

can I just say one thing? :

Okay, I'm getting a little bored of this routine. It's draining, and I work to hard to be taken advantage of. I almost, no, I made a huge mistake the other day and I felt all my insides rapidly caving in when those five words came out of my mouth.
regurgitate regurgitate regurgitate!!!

I should be good though, Europe is soon. That's 14 days away from you, that's 14 days I have to finally drop this nonsense.

Debbie downer is going to take off for a few; sorry guys.

adorable!

"did you look at the itinerary? I stapled it to the inside of your jacket"

ah! this looks so cute.

the clocks ticking.

I had a dream it was winter last night; I woke up with frost on my eyes.


I just want my wooden floors and narrow stairs-REAL BAD.

artificial endorphins

Eager to feel that city vibe, it only took about 2.5 seconds to want to regurgitate all of it only to do it again.

the deflated air mattress, the dirt, the smiles, the people, the inebriation, the green monster, the dragon, the nudity, the competition, the dancing, the bare feet, the new friends, the laughs, the glow sticks, the music, the cold, the warm, the mid-afternoon naps, the morning beers, the double rainbow and even the fucking out houses.


you can make fun of it, you can hate it but I don't care what you say. It was my escape from the norm. It's like that yearly Mexico trip you take in Spring break, or that yearly fishing trip with the boys or the cabin getaways; only it involves so much love, spirit and creativity that you'll experience serious withdrawal.

Maybe it's from all the artificial endorphins I've been pumping into my body all weekend but...

I'm really sad it's over.


360 days until Folk Fest.

cold blue ice.

okay, straight up?
last night was fucking epic; despite the fact I don't remember all of it.


"paige, can I have my lighter?"
"HOW MANY SMOKES HAVE I GIVEN YOU MEGAN!!!"



mmm, sloppy Paige is a better Paige.

ps. busted stuff reminds me of ditching class and playing outside with you.

the pink door.

I need a new beginning.
I need a new haircut.
I need a new addiction.
I need a new yoga membership.
I need a new home.


I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I spent all of today in doors; this has been a first all week.
my mood changes with the weather; it's kind of nice actually,
I think I'm going to move to Mexico; learn some Spanish and claim citizenship.

Well, look at me! think any one is going to question the one eighteenth!?

"love is a poor mans food, don't prophesize."

PS!

this girl is golden.
ORLANDO!!!!!

don't die in Europe k?

three to midnight.

how amazing are you!?
pretty fucking amazing.

um, it's to bad we can NEVER be together.

ever.


"Paige, do you have glass in your foot?"
"no...."
"LIAR! YOU'RE LIMPING!"
"whatever man, it will come and go as it pleases!"
"you'll get an infection!"
"no I won't"
"give me your foot"
"NO! they're gross! stop it! seriously! it's fine!"
"PAIGE. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!"
Frisbee, wellington, movies, smokes, organizing, laundry and great conversation.
"this gossip needs a smoke"
fuck yeah man; I love you.



Ray lamontange - I could hold you in my arms: SO GOOD. get on it.


Beach tomorrow with my female crush and nipple shouting friend: oh; it's gonna be good.
Versace is going to make a serious appearance. "I'm going to fast, wait... no, this is normal."

GAH!

SO SO SO SO GOOD!!!!

so I just realized today that school is in just over two months.
Which means two months have already by... wtf!?

oh, tonight was kind of awesome as well.
not a lot of people get as excited as you do over their "kicks".

fatherandson.

Today, I witnessed something really genuine.
a boy, a dad and a kite.
He was five years old; dad was a hero.

I wish I still got that excited over a kite.

oh OH! domino....

Wow.
I don't care that everyone who saw the show last night has blogged about it: EPIC.

this summer's bucket list is growing, along with quickly being accomplished.
beach with babes.
coldplay
GLENN
dustin + beer + telling the singer of snow patrol their new album sucks = more beer.(wtf man!?)
morning lovin'
endless amounts of beer
sun sun sun


up next:
jazz fest
folk fest
europe
GLENN in europe
beer with Alexa in Ireland.


I have my first shift at the Fyxx today; I'm a little bit nervous, my coffee making skills are lacking. But hopefully I'll meet some good people! local coffee shops=good people, right?

Also, I was actually afraid for something I shouldn't have been afraid of; thanks gags. I didn't think it was possible, but you've jumped a solid couple of notches in my books.

micheal franti is in the air, steam from today's sun on my skin and a pretty girl with an angry face shouting at a piece of paper.


awesome.

ps. "this has homosexuality written all over it!!!!" lol.

um?

"Is it bad I'm having a beer before noon?"
"Get me one too...."


typical Sunday afternoon.....




rudd rudd rudd!!!

How was today so fantastic?
-the titty flick.
-sluuuuuut!
-"do you guys have cords!?"
-dancing with three lovers.
-white hat.
-the lava lamp.

short story

So what started as a typical Thursday did not quite end that way. What started as something that was not being accomplished ended with burning legs.

This afternoon I treated myself in sleeping in late and then laying around until I had to go to work(this is something I indulge in quite frequently actually,). I worked, where I witnessed a man waddle with his tail in between his legs behind his girlfriend; nothing spectacular otherwise happened. Work ended and I managed to scrounge up an idea that turned a typical Thursday night into something completely unexpected!

"Hey, you wanna grab a Latte and go for a late night stroll?"
"Yeah! I'm down."

Part I: The plan.
I picked her up and met the family. "We're just going for coffee mom!" she yells as we shuffle out the front door. We hop into the worn down hatchback and get moving. Stop one, coffee. Stop two, cigarettes. Stop three, Wellington... oh, no, Osbourne. Stop four, Wellington.

Part II: The late night stroll.
We ended up in Wellington to gaze and awe all the beautiful homes that were located there. Our conversations were epic, so epic in fact, that it saved our lives. We stumbled around with our cold coffees chatting and imagining what families lived like in our favorite homes. I can only imagine what people were thinking as they laid in bed and suddenly they hear squealing and giggling outside. Two girls smoking and pointing at "the red door" and "the "make a house look epic" lights" and "the cute porch" and "oh my god, it's made of stone!". My god, we must have seemed nuts. Long after we had reached a fork in the road, we had decided it was getting late and we had walked really far. It was time to head back.

Part III: Where the fuck is my car?
We're seriously lost. We walked down every direction that look familiar.
"I vaguely remember that house."
"No, cause we came from that direction which means it has to be this way"
"Every house looks the same at this point."
"I know..."

Walking up one street, then back down, freaking out but trying to remain calm. It's almost one in the morning, NO ONE IS OUT. After many, many failed attempts at what we thought was "the right way" we went back to what we knew we had passed; The multicolored Christmas lights. Standing there, trying to picture what direction we came from, we finally settled on the direction we hadn't gone down, (process of elimination is great!).

Part 4: Eureka.
"Oh hey I remember that house cause' remember I was like "oh hey! It's made of stone!""
"YEAH YEAH YEAH!"

We were on the right track. We passed by the deserted cup. We were both relieved. We finally made it back in one piece.

My legs are twitching from the panic induced power walk. But! Midnight adventure is now crossed off my bucket list and I made up for the six double chocolate chip cookies I ate at work.

THE END.

strungout.

I sat down in my car today for a solid 45 minutes just filing through the thoughts that repeatedly passed through my head. It didn't help that I could still taste it's causing venom in my mouth.
Damn you.

Who am I kidding; I'm totally addicted. Angry and frustrated I spun the volume dial to the left. Ah, that's much better. Wrong.
Why do I do this to myself? I cherish every person that is involved in my life right now; no questions asked. I need to stop being such a pre-madonna. Things are so much more interesting when they give you hell. Most people claim they would to anything to feel content/happy, I think it's the opposite. Most people want to feel sorry for themselves; self pity gives them a reason to have attention focused towards them:

Oh! look at me! I'm a hollywood mess!

yeah, yeah. we get it.

On the bright side: I had a rather fulfilling afternoon, thanks.

you've got some serious definition;

Arrogance [ ar-uh-guh ns ] :
–noun offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.

"hi. I'm a conceited prick. let me shine you down."




I don't know who these people are; but I'm attracted to them.





ps. got myself another job today :)

riddle me that:

Careful now, you've crushed some eggshells during your early evening stroll. But it's okay, because they were superstore brand; overrated and cheap. Keep the wallets thick and the dignity high my friends! Why is it so cold? I don't have a good feeling about this. It won't be hippy dresses and cute shorts this summer, it's going to be well.. fuck; winter apparel; lame lame lame lame. My gums hurt, but that's to be expected. not that you should care, but I thought I should express what an uncomfortable necessity society has brought to our attention. There goes my wisdom!! (hardyharhar!) crème glacé et tu tiens ma main: c'est une nouvelle èpoque? ben, je ne suis pas près; point finale. curses. I'm debating quitting this thing. I have nothing to really offer to the public except previews of my latest gossip.

eh, on second thought...

countdown number twohundredandtwentyseven.

HOLY SHIT. 37 DAYS.



yes.

SHOTGUN.

ramble ramble.


today was a great day. the past didn't erupt (as it normally does). I hated you for a solid 15 minutes; it felt really good, why? because it gave me confidence = " you're to good for him" Mmm. I love you, because you're always right.

LMFAO: danny, it did not go up in flames, but I sure did: only because I had to resist certain urges (yeah, you know.) ONE WITH THE EARTH

I feel like nothing I have to say is valid.
oh I'm applying for the casino, to be a dealer, a blackjack dealer; motherfucker.

I want to more. I want to give you a chance. I think you're worth it.

intoxication is medication; so is mcdonalds.

URGH. hoorah.

intervention.

you are all so fantastic.
god, I love you.


today I got paid to sleep. today I relapsed. today I fell on my knees. today I wanted more. today the dust was disrupted.

Mmm hippy tits?

hey folks, it's been a while!


lately I feel like I've had nothing really concrete to cook up for you gents. So I'm going to sit here, at two in the a.m. and just blurb out (and possibly backspace out) whatever comes to mind:

Minneapolis was GLORIOUS. despite my struggles, I managed to let it only affect me in my dreams. I successfully put everything aside so that I could fully appreciate the time I was given to spend a solid four days with three other fantastic females. on that note:

ONSTAR SAVED OUR LIVES.

I don't think I can truly depict exactly how AMAZING this new god sent tool we have developed in today's day and age is; not a problem m'am. not a problem. Acting like a 13 year old girl for an evening was deliciously refreshing(mm. had to. great combo in words.) except it was humorous to see all the young girls moms pull the "ear muffs" moves on their children when one of the bands said the following:
"not only will I take off my shirt if you take off yours, but I will fuck you in the mouth."

priceless.

all in all: it was a great time. thanks girls.

THE AFTERMATH.

today: I pulled a very bold and stupid move. Several in fact. God I wish I wasn't so stupid sometimes, I was doing so well! keeping to myself is not one of my strongest characteristics.

I don't want to be bold, I want to be italic(hah. what? mmhmm.)
I tried, I fucking tried.

FAIL.


maybe next time?


oh, ps. how amazing is it that after we speak of connected energy, it proves itself right before our eyes?

crouching tiger, hidden dragon.

you're a success, you truly are.
notre deuxième fois était un grand succès.
there's only one problem: you want more then I do.
I'm going to disappoint you; I know I am. I wish I wasn't, because I really really like you.
but c'est la vie, n'es pas? nous verrons.

secondly,
I watched Sex Drive this evening which featured the big F.O.B.
officially on my top 5 funniest movies of all time, why? because of the perverted humor.
I=huge perv. ding ding!

I am super stoked to spend money on clothes I'm going to love for a solid 5 months; as opposed to two weeks.
oh the expensive tastes of the female divas that raid our streets.
speaking of divas, I'll be hitting up the big US this weekend with four beautiful girls.
I love my girl time, I THRIVE FOR IT.
because fuck you boys, suckittome. period.

blurb. BLURB AGAIN.

am I on crack?

... probably.

ps. "I'm into you... and I'm hard." LMFAO. bitches.

we have take off.

bah! ah. HA!

life is good.

you pulled a low blow in the beginning.
you're lucky you're adorable and make me laugh like nobody's business.



love always,

PG - 13.

out.

a little bit of riddim makes the world go round.

so, lately I've been REALLY enjoying Michael Franti.
I don't know what it is; he blew my mind, no, SHIFTED MY BRAIN Folkfest of 07'.

and POP he comes up on the radio; I reminisce.

THUS!

I'm sharing with you just exactly how fantastic he is.
AND! how I want to live in a town where public street dancing is a common occurrence.

ps. 63 DAYS LADIES AND GENTS!

joy and pain; sunshine and rain.

just when I thought today could not possibly get any better:

IT DID!

serious thanks to all the beautiful people that participated in tonight's phenomenal dance party.

pull er' over.

shit son. there were so many mixed patterns during last nights events, nothing really matched. But it all came together so perfectly.

I'm happy chances were given and friends were made.

grandma said something really sad today: urgh, I don't want you to be alone anymore. loss of a mind is loss of life. It just isn't fair anymore.

multicolored jelly beans sit on the passenger seat floor; I smile.

got pulled over for the first time EVER today; ran a stop sign. shit.
"because your record is clean, and you have a positive attitude, I'm going to let you off with caution for today."
fuck. yeah. who says I'm not just another pretty face?

spent an afternoon on the new balcony, it was beautiful out. who needs medication when monsieu soleil is at your side?

the domo boys hooked me up hard on the glassware today; wine glasses are to be collected soon.
(you're welcome megan baby.)

michael franti was on the radio today: punch dance!

I LOVE TODAY!

today:

I missed you today, a lot.

forgive me for being a broken record.

buckethead.

REJECTED.

I am actually pretty embarrassed as to how quickly and suddenly I got my hopes up.
I just can't help it! I'm a sucker for guys with facial hair and good humor.

.....oh well.

this is going to be harder then I thought.

love. want. appreciate.

I thoroughly enjoy days spent painting, making crafts and sipping soda. I also love walks in the park with beautiful women. I love chain smoking and driving on the perimeter at 2 in the am. I enjoy the smokey upstairs that are stained with laughs, good music, wine and beer. I enjoy seeing her be proud to stand on her own two feet. I enjoy free domo glasses. I enjoy the newest "rollerblade" dance move. I can't wait for the greatest weekend in July EVER. I can't wait to wear my dresses. I can't wait until my hair gets stupid long. I want more amber in my jewelry pile. I want gladiator sandals SO BADLY.

oh, fuck. I'm up in 4 hours.

tea and crumpets, tea and crumpets!

IT'S ABOUT TIME.

the one eye was accomplished. sadly.
I had my first shot of Patrone(did I spell correctly?), an hour after my last exam.
I was the first person to leave the exam room. Guess where I was twenty minutes later?

I haven't felt this relieved in a long long long long time.
One of the best highlights yesterday was explaining to a friend of mine how I needed to invest in a flask for this years summers activities. To my surprise, later that evening I received one!
talk about fantastic timing!

thank you melanee. srsly. that made my day. I'm still excited about it.

"you look really happy today; like genuinely. it's very pretty."

^.^

erm...

BREAK LIGHTS NEED TO GO ON. NOW.

I'll be doing 'the one eye' this evening.

t minus 22 hours.

STOKED.

-to do poorly on my Shakespeare exam (fuck that guy, he's over rated.)

-to get freaking nasty drunk after my Shakespeare exam.

I don't want to know who Macbeth is by the end of the evening.

-thursday night with my favorite pack of ladies.
-jazz fest. jazz fest. jazz fest. MR HURRICANE!
-folkfest. folkfest. folkfest. (srsly. 77days)
-summer walks.
-corydon patios.
-the frankel/avery residence.
-the gagnon residence.
-weekend of may 17th
-the weekend after that = drunk pool playing for 8 hours. straight. fuckers.

oh my god. got my visa card today.
patrick garrity says: "Your mom and I have a bet going. The end of May, maxed out."
paige garrity says: "okay dad. if I win, you have to pay off the following two months."
pat:"HAHAHAHAHAHA! deal."


this is going to end very.very. badly.

gas. cigarettes. SHOES. DRESSES. BOOZE. ah.

*insert title here*

I had a decently productive day. I studied for english; who studies for english? I very uncommited university student who hates british literature that's who.

Eh, can't say that I'm doing to horribly. This year has taken a solid couple notches up compared to last. This is coming from a girl who got mostly C's and a D and cried A LOT because she just couldn't figure out the very complex and life threatening system that the university education system holds.


shit is different now though.

I know when and how to procrastinate(hah. that I re-read that and laughed. OXYMORON!) I know what needs to be done and what can wait. More importantly; I know what the quality of work has to look like. Thus, I eliminated the bad grades, brought my GPA up.
*pat on the back for paige.

Why am I writing about this? I can't stop talking about school because I want to be DONE school.

subject change:

I have the tendancy to write train of thoughts on my phone. NERDALERT. I know.
Part I:
I think of you, and my tears stop. But it's not because you make me happy, it's because you make my emotions go numb and come to a hault.
You are the reason for my stale emotions, you are the reason my stomach sinks, you are the reason I'll never feel this way again.

Part II:
I took a step into the deep end. I risked everything.
But the results are in: the stamp was made.
the glance is different; it's become less of a mystery.
but we'll see how this one ends,
so go ahead, make my day.

lucid dreaming

Hey there gorgeous,
You shouldn't fret. Just close your eyes, open your lungs and let your legs break the wake.
There are no skeletons in your closet, only daisies starving for water.
Your heart is to pure to suffer so much.
Forget the rules of the alphabet and live dangerously.
Your hands are quivering, because you're scared. But that creature underneath your bed will not harm you; for you are indestructible.

THIS TO SHALL PASS LOVE,


*this song stays on repeat.

marley beats.

WOW.

what a fantastic evening.
even work was decent, meh, work is always decent.

highlights of todays events:
- taste of folkfest at the head.

-dancing in a crowd.

-the gagnon family reunion.

-the PR with the gagnon famiy.

-recieving glances; the freedom to glance back.

-the button man.

-samantha hogue.

-feeling unstoppable.

I realized today how much I admire the people who plunge onto the dance floor; even when no one is dancing. They are so comfortable with themselves that the thought of being starred at, judged; doesn't even cross their minds.

... I am jealous of people like that.

cheers to tomorrow. .

it's just a goddamn roller coaster ride.

one minute everything is fine. dandy. peachy. fantastic.
then the next minute everything comes back and kicks me in the face. and it's not a slipper, it's a fucking combat boot.

first communication post separation: "I'm sorry."
didn't really apologize for the right things, but it was still there and that means I know the tide is beginning to fall. You even threw in a joke, which was really. really. nice. I didn't laugh, but it served it's purpose. I'm grateful.
the epilogue of this story is beginning to look more comforting, and reassuring.


keylime ice cream with strawberries, who knew it could cure everything? mmm.
Today I realized how lucky I am.

now say goodnight, and goodbye to day 1.
tomorrow is new. tomorrow doesn't exist, therefore today; tomorrow is perfect.

happy endings.

the air in the bedroom is different tonight. I have almost fully absorbed everything. I'm going to be O.K. I may have made a really big mistake; beauty of it is, I'll never fully know the truth. Sorry that today's topic will be tomorrow's. This is going to be so hard. I'm not looking forward to it. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel; I take comfort in that.

I hope tooting my own horn works to some degree. knock on wood. I still have a lot to look forward to. this is a fragment; I learning process. gain is more then loss. I have beautiful friends, who support me. je vous aimes tellement.
Sorry folks, there's no fairytale ending over here.

you know who you are. they know who you are.

3:30: the hardest decision I've ever had to make; was made.
4:30: the beginning of the end.
4:45: you kick me while I'm down.
6:30: received a very; very hurtful email. I'm almost hoping you didn't write it, because the person I heard was not the person I let carry my heart for 2 years.

I hate what I had to do. I hate it. hate it. hate it. But it needed to be done. It's just not fair for us to continue on a path that's only sinking deeper and deeper into nothing.

call me names. tell me how awful I am. say how hurt you are.
but " I wasted two years "
that hurt.

But you're angry; it's okay. I get it.

One day you'll realize I'm not the end of your world. One day you won't be angry. One day you won't hate me. One day will soon become just, one day.

I'm so sorry.

ps. a list of things you hate about me. not helping. fuck.

tornado tornado. hurricane hurricane.
....waiting for the sunrise is the hardest part.

my healthy diet that doesn't exist.

I haven't had a single alcoholic beverage since Thursday. What's happening? am I finally becoming a responsible individual? ha. HA! probably not.

I sent my english prof a e-mail begging him to let me hand it my VERY VERY VERY VERY overdue essays. He's British, which means he loves girls with good fashion sense? kidding. But he is a fantastic prof, and I guess he likes me (even though I barely attend) so he gave me until Friday to hand in my junk. OH GLORY!
What does it mean when you can't fall asleep until 4 in the morning? Hello? Tyler Durden? I wish. My diet today has consisted of, well... the usual I guess. Junk, unhealthy, going to give me heartfailure like foods.
Shall I elaborate? of course I shall! but first I'm going to start with yesterdays diet.
Ahem,
veggies, easter dinner (so far so good), cream eggs, more cream eggs, candy coated chocolate eggs (here we go..), late night chicken fingers, SAFEWAY BUTTER BUNS(which are the shit.), coke zero(which is aweful. fuck that fake sugar shit that gives you cancer.)
moving along to today's diet:
two double shot espressos, a cream egg(they are so good, srsly.) and mexican chili old dutch chips.

heart failure? wouldn't surprise me.


erg. back to the essay I keep distracting myself from.


ps. just remembered: had three glasses of wine at dinner on Sunday. fuck.

eighty five and counting.

eighty five days until sheer bliss.
eighty five days until I laugh so hard it hurts.
eighty five days until mosquito repellent become my new eau de toilette.
eighty five days until 24 hours of amazing music.
eighty five days until living in my bathing suit.
eighty five days until the grass become my bed.
eighty five days until big sunglasses, scarfs with a multipurpose and jesus sandles.
eighty five days until hot dogs and cereal becomes breakfast, lunch and dinner.
eighty five days until beer also becomes breakfast, lunch and dinner.
eighty five days until I can dance wherever and whenever.
eighty five days until "peace" and "love"
eighty five days until you meet anyone and everyone. and they love you.
eighty five days until I have to hover every time I pee.
eighty five days until I have a sunglasses/bathing suit tan line.
eighty five days until my tent makes it through the possible hurricane.
eighty five days until I go to bed at 5 in the morning every.. morning.
eighty five days until I get up at 8:30 in the morning because it's to fucking hot.
eighty five days is eighty five days to many.

why can't it be here already....

hospitals at 4:30 am send me through a loop.

JESUS CHRIST.

dearest friends,
this is probably one of the best scenes I've ever seen.




this movie is epic.
Alexa, buy that shit.

at the end of the bottle, there is nothing.

LAST NIGHT:

consisted of Jeffs beautifully decorated home, beer with the bshop buds. Slipped and fell on my ass trying to dodge a frozen road lake. the elbow still hurts the next morning.

post Jeffs house:
ahem, wine got heavier. started taking it straight from the bottle; not smart.
Random house party???
Ran into Julien Desaulniers. Love that man. Had an interesting little chat with him about my life in it's current state.
He says:

Obviously it's meant to be if you both have spoke to me randomly in the same evening. You put up with so much, and you take it so well. You are awesome. So don't think that you not being awesome is even a consideration.

gee, thanks man.
and DANE! dane dane dane. I love our meaningful chats... but we should try and avoid to do so inebriated, we sound like broken records. hah, SWEATER TWINS!!!


lastly, miss sloan:
my dear, there are no words. actually, I think I may have a few:
dodging ice=bad news for paige. you picked me up when I fell. peeing oustide the ol. spag. fac. brilliant. circling around royal wood while you listen to me, in a slurring haze, let out the skeletons in my closet.
hope things don't change between us.
we're a great team. 110%

<3


all in all: had a great night.

mes amies, je t'adore.

I LOVE MY FRIENDS.

Gags: you are phenomenal. Chicago. BP. never ending pool games. "shutthefuckup."
little penguin. white rum and coke in a to-go cup. always-ALWAYS. there for me.

Jules: you will never change. my cabin(both times). folkfest(the condo). movies and wine. your shitty apartment. "blimpy... because she's HUGE." brotha from anotha motha.

Avery: the one and only man that came out of SPAG that I actually appreciated. golf tournies. all you can eat. all you can drink. the same shitty apartment(prejulian.) meaningful talks. endless coffees at the junction. I don't know how I found you....

Osbourne Cox: "I would never kill the Jews.... I would toss a penny inbetween them and watch them fight to the DEATH." you are the biggest and best mistake ever.

Kathy: st.vital encounters. corydon encounters. sexy boy from new zealand encounters. cigarette addictions. great fashion sense. sarcastically genuine. a fucking babe. ps. where the fuck have you gone?

Doustin: two words. tapered. pants. you have grown so much. "think we should help them set the tent up?" "nah. it's to hot. and beer tastes better sitting down..."

last but not least:

the Bshop crew: tangles of heroic dance moves. DMP flip nights. boob slips. "the one eye". kareoke. readymix. fashion speak. amazing newest editions. sexual harassment in the workplace. simply fucking fantastic.



Mmmm. hah.

Driver, take me to oblivion please,

It is such a complex, amazing, fantastic, breath taking, hurtful, struggling emotion.
What once was stomach butterflies, and what seem could last a lifetime; is now slowly fading into oblivion. It's almost as if it never existed.

I'm knees deep in the mud trying to dig up what used to be. But just when I think I've come closer to the other side: I hit concrete. I'm back where I started.
I'm flipping between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One is sensible, sane ; moral. The other? Well, shit. I'm not too sure. Both are exhilarating, really. I receive satisfaction in both... oh, who am I kidding. I don't.

There's so much to this story and I already I know the ending.

......I just refuse to read it.