What part of me thinks this behavior is doable? everything is in a whirlwind haze, then why do I feel happy? Maybe it's not happiness; maybe it's thrill. I strive to feel the thrill of putting myself in a mess that can only go one way, down. fuck, it's 3am. I have retained none of the information i have been studying for 4 hours.
FANTASTIC.
... this is what I live for.
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